Archive for January, 2010

Candidates for the Wicker Man

Posted in The Wicker Man list on January 31, 2010 by awickerman

Given the title it is all but a requirement to assemble a list of those who most deserve to be placed there.

After careful consideration the first choice pretty much has to be; Nicholas Cage and everyone involved in the Wicker Man remake. Perhaps a little harsh and certainly a little late but that’s no excuse. If it were merely a bad film, and make no mistake it’s terrible in almost every way, it would be a matter of indifference to me, indeed I may well have reveled in it’s demented ridiculousness (If you didn’t laugh when Nicolas Cage in a bear suit punched random evil woman #74 then your soul is tragically lacking in joy).

However it decided to take and besmirch the name of a quite outstanding film, I’d call the original a horror film but it isn’t really and indeed the fact it’s so hard to categorise merely increases it’s magnificence. It does of course go without saying the remake is in on way shape or form a horror film, unless one counts the existential horror of seeing the original so violated.

Rather than outline exactly why it’s so terrible I offer you this comparison, the penultament scene of each film before Edward is being dragged of to the Wicker Man;

Original;

Sergeant Howie: I believe in the life eternal, as promised to us by our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Lord Summerisle: That is good, for believing what you do, we confer upon you a rare gift, these days – a martyr’s death.

In that brief exchange you can get a feel for the entire film, the characters and the conflict between them.

Remake;

Edward Malus: OH, NO! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAHHHHH! OH, THEY’RE IN MY EYES! MY EYES! AAAAHHHHH! AAAAAGGHHH!

I would say this sums up the film, but alas it lacks the rampant misogyny and doesn’t contain Cage beating up a woman so it’s doesn’t really do the remake justice. Not that the remake deserves justice of course.

So there you have it, a watertight case as to why Nicholas Cage has earned a place in the Wicker Man when the time comes.

Obligatory First Post

Posted in Rantings on January 29, 2010 by awickerman

Except of course it isn’t. Those with long memories may shudder as they recall my first stab, the decidedly accurately named Really Low Expectations. Taken from us for being too good for this world (that is my defence and I’m sticking to it) it now falls upon this new blog to carry on the illustrious lineage.

There are two explanations for my return to writing for the benefit of the few;

1. A somewhat self-absorbed and dull reason involving my realisation I have a job not a career.

2. Shep mentioned he liked reading the old one.

I recommend focusing on option 2 and hoping option 1 goes away never to be seen again. My target is to beat Shep’s current post count (3) with anything beyond that being a bonus. The observant may notice that even though the name has changed the really low expectations live on.

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