Archive for Elections

Unusual advice from BBC News

Posted in And thus the Mystery was solved Watson!, Tenuous Link of the Day with tags , , , , , , on May 8, 2010 by awickerman

Apparently we need to ‘Look to Israel’ for advice on the current hung parliament problem, or so says the news presenter as his hook for the next item.

I can only imagine the advice from Jerusalem is to rename Scotland to ‘The occupied territories’, deny the locals the vote and then send the RAF out to launch air strikes on Alex Salmond and Gordon Brown. Certainly such a campaign would unite the country, who wouldn’t want to see Gordon Brown splattered over a wall after being in the face with a Storm Shadow cruise missile, but I fear this marvellous scheme will not come to fruition. Or get any BBC support come to that.

The Inevitable General Election Post

Posted in And thus the Mystery was solved Watson!, Mining, Tunnels, Your cut-out-and-keep Guide with tags , , , , , , on May 2, 2010 by awickerman

Having resisted for much of this seemingly endless campaign my will power has snapped, in this vital last week I now present the official Wicker Man electoral guide. Dismissing such common sense ideas as analysis or indeed actually reading the manifestos we will be using the tried and failed technique “Counting the words in a manifesto and pretending that has any relevance to anything”. You may think this is a stupid idea, and you’d be correct, but it hasn’t stopped the ICE from pissing my money against a wall by doing it.

For this exercise I will be using the keywords of “Tunnel” and “Mining” and limiting ourselves to only manifestos. I did also check for “Wicker man” but sadly, if not surprisingly,  absolutely no-one included it. So onto the summary;

  • Almost Every Party – 0
  • The Communist Party of Great Britain – 1
  • The Official Monster Raving Loony Party – 1
  • The English Democrats – 1

So therefore your choices are; Loonies, Communists or the only party publicly committed to moving Monmouthshire from Wales to England. Having actually read said documents it comes down to the Communists want to keep the Channel Tunnel Rail Link in public hands, the English Democrats wanting more Tin Mining and the Loonies wanting the Channel Tunnel to be a no fly zone.

Frankly from that shower of  ideas I have to go Loony. As far as I know nobody is proposing sell the CTRL (if nothing else who would risk buying it after Labour illegally nationalised RailTrack?) while deep level Tin Mining died out for a reason; there is no cheap tin left, if you want to restart that industry you will need massive subsidies to compete with dirt cheap dredged Malaysian tin.

So there you have it, the Wicker Man advises you to vote Monster Raving Loony Party as they have the best (and possibly only) policies on tunnels.

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